I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
