My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
