we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
