I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
