the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
