I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
