apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like eating out sand paper
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
