He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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