he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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