How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
