We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
