for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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