Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
