I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
