and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
