Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
