But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
