I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
