In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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