I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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