I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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