So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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