I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize