I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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