Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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