Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
