Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
