my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is Oprah even human
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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