I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
