The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
