wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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