If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
