Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
