I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
