how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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