she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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