Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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