I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
