I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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