I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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