So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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