I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
