I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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