Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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