6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
