Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
