Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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