So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This baby is an asshole
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
3 2 1 whiskey
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
