My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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