I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
