they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
