I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
