So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
