...so i touched it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
