OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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