Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
