I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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