I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize