so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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