...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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