You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize