btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
