Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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