I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
