Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
