my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My bed smells like the plague
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
