You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
