I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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