If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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