She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
