please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
