So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
