I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
