i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
