the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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