So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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