and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
