Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
