Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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