New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
